Welcome back to on the fence where I waffle for a couple hundred words. I wouldn’t say I’m back, but it’s been a while since I’ve been this frustrated with a book. Okay that’s a lie, and maybe I’ll circle around back to the last book, but for now I’m conflicted as to whether I should continue this book or not…
Twenty days ago I would have told you that I liked Twilight. Okay, I wouldn’t have come out and outright said it, it would have taken some coaxing. Maybe if you’d offered me bits of cheese or chocolate, I would have spilled the beans. However, this admission always came with a huge asterisk. This contained the information that I recognize that there are many problematic aspects to the series and they disgust me, and they are what made me so uncomfortable with admitting my affection towards the series. The racism, sexism, and pedophilia have always been an issue for me. More recently my issues with the LDS church have also colored these opinions.
What happened 20 days ago to make you change this opinion? I hear you ask. Well dear reader either you live under a rock or are my mother to have not heard about this. (Also if you’re reading this, Hi mom, sorry you have to hear this all again.) Back to the question. What changed?
Okay. First of all. I need to do my usual and bitch about the cover. Notice something off about Midnight Sun? Can’t seen to place it? Well. I’ll show you.
That is ridiculous. Even compared to the others look at how ridiculous this is.
Every single book as tiny font. I don’t so much mind that Stephenie’s name placement moves. Each book has a small font. Except Midnight Sun. It screams its title at you like it’s saying ‘yeah, I was never supposed to be released but it’s 15 years later and here I am.’
It’s petty but welcome to my blog.
I don’t know if you can tell but I actually lowkey don’t want to write this. I don’t want to hate Twilight, but this book has so thoroughly smashed any good will I’d built up for the first book. I regularly defended Twilight to my friends. Not the saga. Just book one. It wasn’t the best, but it was harmless fun. The rest of the series gets more problematic, but the first book has a certain charm that I just couldn’t resist.
There are things I like about Bella, I like her character in the first few chapters. Yeah, she’s judgmental and critical, but most seventeen year old girls are. She’s a good representation of teens, but she’s also had to learn to take care of herself at a young age. She’s also sarcastic and well read.
I liked Edward, because yeah he had his moments of angst and was a bit of an asshole, but again. He’s seventeen. Of course he is. But he was also funny, witty, and showed a genuine concern for Bella’s well being.
Notice I said moments of angst. Well. In MS, yeah, I don’t feel like typing it out anymore, you get MS from now on, we see how Edward really feels. The first few chapters are interesting. I was pretty well engaged for the first… let’s say five chapters. I couldn’t tell you exactly when my enjoyment ended. It was a gradual thing.
Another thing I always said was that Robert Pattinson did a bad job as Edward because he just made him a miserable insufferable asshole and I couldn’t stand the portrayal.
Forgive me Mr. Pattinson. You were spot on.
Maybe it’s because the world is insane, and everything is just too much but Edward’s constant and I do mean constant will I leave, won’t I leave, is just so insufferable. I’m so sick of hearing about what a monster he thinks he is. It’s just exhausting.
In a way, I could ignore the stalking in Twilight because it was intangible. We never actually see her getting stalked.
In Midnight Sun… on the other hand… goes full fucking psycho. He doesn’t just watch her sleep. He watches her every moment that he is in Forks. He stops paying attention in class and starts watching her in the mind of other students through the course of the day. He builds up this image of her in his head while simultaneously not getting to know her. It’s… seriously creepy and unsettling behavior. It makes me insanely uncomfortable.
I was watching the Youtuber Dominic Noble’s video on Twilight (link here) and he made a very good point, this stalking thing could have been an interesting plot point. Edward could have learned that he was breaking boundaries and learned to respect Bella’s because after a century of vampirism he forgets how to act like a person. Dom says it much better than me because well, this is his point, but I really like this idea.
There’s a lot more, so here’s some moments that hurt me listed in no particular order:
- Any time Alice says “I love Bella too”
- Alice referring to Bella as a girlfriend
- Rosalie hating Bella because Edward likes Bella and not her
- Alice constantly asking to be allowed to talk to Bella
- Edward constantly telling her no
- Alice saying she loves Bella
I can’t stand women calling their female friends girlfriends. It is so… gross. Because men don’t call their male friends boyfriends. It just feels invalidating for girls who date girls. It creates this imbalance girlfriend from a girl means a female friend but boyfriend from a boy means romantic partner. I might just be sensitive because people were doing that today and I know this old lady in the Midwest was not this other old lady’s romantic partner. I know this because she said “my husband said my girlfriend May was in this hospital.” Not real names but you get the point.
I think… the worst part, the worst moment that really just made me yell at my stereo while driving (I was listening to the audio book) happened in chapter 15. This one is titled Probability.
This moment is… well. It makes me enraged at the rest of the series. Alice shows Edward what will happen if he leaves Forks for good. She shows Edward Bella in New Moon. He sees that hollowed out husk of a girl he leaves behind. He’s aghast. He’s horrified. He’s so repulsed by the idea.
Yet he still leaves her. He knows what will happen for a fact and he still leaves.
He knows that she’s got two real possible futures so far. He kills her or he turns her. There’s this faint third option, but he knows that him leaving is one of the worst possible outcomes because it will just lead to him coming back and killing her.
I just… I can’t. I seriously can’t.
I’m currently in the meadow scene, one that has always been near and dear to my heart, it was the first time a book made my tummy flutter. I read and reread that scene over and over and was so obsessed with it… and it’s just… it’s just been Edward-ified.
There’s part of me that genuinely wants to see the end through Edward’s eyes. There’s also part of me that wants to throw out all of my Twilight stuff. It will take a while for me to simmer down I think.
Until then…
DNF Diaries 